Writings from Riders

Trapper's Intro:
Uncle Dave is the Road Captain of the York County Harley-Davidson Owners Association.  He sent me this review of his past summer, and I just loved it, so I asked if I could share it with everyone.  I think if you've ever done a cross-country trip on a bike, you'll relate to nearly every item here!  Enjoy.

THE ROAD TO STURGIS
by
UNCLE DAVE

On Sunday, 15 July, 2007, “Wild Bill” Ulrich, Rodney “Gramps” Fox, and I departed York to meet up with “Lyin’ Larry” Gross, who was coming out of Myrtle Beach.  We were to meet in Concord, North Carolina, and together take a bit of a tour on the way to Sturgis, South Dakota.  Larry had given me a list of places that he wished to visit and I planned the route using secondary roads as much as possible.  I was designated as “Road Captain” for the trip and we quickly established a riding order; me, Gramps, Wild Bill and Lyin’ Larry.  We maintained this formation throughout the trip, providing an element of continuity.

Because of the ongoing problem with my Wide Glide, which recurred five days before departure, I was riding an ’06 Heritage Softtail that Laugerman’s had given me so I could make the trip as planned.  What follows is a brief daily account of our version of,  “Wild Hogs”.

Day 1

Found out Wild Bill’s gas guzzler would set the pace for fuel stops at about 160 miles per tank.  Hit rain 40 miles from our destination (Concord Harley Davidson).  Looked a bit like drowned rats when we greeted Lyin’ Larry.  Had a few beers at a bar conveniently located next to the dealer, and when the rain abated we found a motel in Gastonia, North Carolina.

Day 2

Dreary, but not raining.  Spent good portion of the day in the Smokey Mountains.  Rode the “Tail of the Dragon” through Deal’s Gap, Tennessee – 318 curves in 11 miles.  Visited three Harley dealers.  Gramps has a loose front end and I will soon need a 1,000 mile check-up because the Softtail only had 25 miles on it when I picked it up.  Due to heat and time change, ended ride early in Cookeville, Tennessee.  Lyin’ Larry became designated bar finder.  I told him my job is done when we get to a motel.

Day 3

Have a mild hangover.  Imagine that!  We’re off to Murfreesoro, Tennessee, to the Harley dealer.  Weather 73 – hazy sunshine.  Located Bumpus Harley-Davidson.  They tightened the fork bearing on Gramps’ bike.  Service called ahead to Memphis (also Bumpus) to get me in for the 1,000 mile.  Rain delay 120 miles from Memphis.  Pulled under old service station canopy.  Two other bikes there - a couple of colorful locals about our age.  Rode to Memphis, found a motel and a bar and things went down hill from there.  Gramps got temporarily kidnapped.

Day 4

Started day at Bumpus Harley-Davidson in Memphis for 1,000 mile service.  Gramps had his bike checked again – front end still loose.  Larry and Bill visited Graceland.  Left Memphis and crossed the Mississippi River twice to ride in Arkansas.  Landed at the Steel Horse Saloon in Natchez, Mississippi after checking into motel.  Bill got new name, “Just Bill”, from the bar owner, who knows a real “Wild Bill”.  Weather hot, but no rain.

Day 5

Got a later start than usual – 9:15 AM - due to previous nights activities.  Headed for New Orleans to visit Bourbon Street.  Crossed the Lake Ponchatrain causeway  – 24 miles long.  Had to stop halfway across to suit up – nasty looking thunderstorm.  Ate a real meal twice today instead of living on beer – think my body may go into revolt.  Have determined that “y’all” can be singular or plural, but “all y’all” and “y’all boys” are definitely plural.  Ended day in New Iberia, Louisiana.

Day 6

Picked up RT 82 across southern Louisiana, crossing an inlet on the ferry.  While waiting on the ferry, I thought of the loose wristed bartender we had the night before and commented that today we are waiting on the ferry and last night the ferry waited on us.  Hit rain about 20 miles out of Port Aurther, Texas.  Spent a week in Houston – one day at a time at each traffic light.  Developed severe case of road rage.  Add Houston to my list of places to never visit again.  Found a local bar in Columbus, Texas and were entertained by the clientele and vice versa.

Day 7

Weather looks bad.  Decided to take the 10 freeway into San Antonio.  Visited The Alamo and the Riverwalk  Had a burger and two beers at the Hard Rock Café - $20.20.
Sign over freeway leaving San Antonio said RT 90 closed at Hondo.  Sure enough – the sign was right.  Town of D’Hanis was flooded up ahead.  RT 90 finally opened and we rode on.  Some incredible sights of flooding.  Hit rain (again) coming into Del Rio, Texas.  Rain continued off and on.  Fortunately motel had a bar next door.  No trip to Mexico here – will try again in El Paso.  Weather prognosis poor through New Mexico and Arizona.

Day 8

Just another day in paradise.  Flash flood watch in effect.  They showed yesterday’s flood on The Weather Channel this morning.  A pattern is developing.  Departure time seems to be directly related to the amount of beer consumed the night before.  Rode in and out of rain for about 5 hours.  Turned hot going into El Paso.  Got a motel and crossed the border into Juarez, Mexico.  Nobody was impressed so we decided to head back.  Border crossings were backed up (about a two hour wait) and none of us could swim.  A local on a motorcycle showed us how to cut to the front.  Thank God!  The heat was unbearable and our engines would have fried sitting there.  Found a bar near our motel and finished the day off.  There was a sign advertising a rehabilitation hospital that you could see from the bar patio.  I think they’re trying to tell us something.

Day 9

Nice weather for departure.  Rode 130 plus miles across New Mexico.  Saw two roadrunners, one live jackrabbit (numerous dead ones), lots of border patrol and National Guard, and millions of acres of nothingness.  Started hitting rain in Arizona.  Blasted through the first three showers, but leaving Douglas for Tombstone we didn’t get too far before we surrendered and put on the rain suits for the 5th time.  Got to Tombstone, went directly into motel parking lot – had all the fun we could handle for awhile.  Had a late lunch, played tourist for awhile, and did laundry.  Went to American Legion.  Met the mayor of Tombstone, and we are still welcome back.  Still a lot of rain in the area.

Day 10

Sun’s out!  Headed out for Tuscon and points north.  Took secondary roads to bypass Pheonix.  Some fabulous scenery.  Went from extreme heat to cool to heat to downright cold.  Stopped in Sadona, Arizona – tourist trap/artist colony in the Red Rock Canyon.  Stayed in Williams, Arizona on Route 66.  First rain free day for awhile.

Day 11

Went to the Grand Canyon then headed for Kingman, Arizona.  Had lunch at the Road Kill Café in Seligman on Route 66.  Continued on Route 66 for about 100 miles to Kingman, Arizona.  Were treated to some western hospitality – two showers and a blow job – rained sideways at times.  Got Gramps and Lyin Larry checked in at the Harley dealer to have rear tires installed in the morning.  Spent the evening at Mad Dog’s Dog House.

Day 12

Got on the road just after 11:30 AM with two new rear tires and a lot less money.  Hauled ass to Laughlin, Nevada because a thunderstorm was chasing down on us.  Had lunch and headed for Boulder Dam.  Outran another thunder boomer.  When we got to the dam, the afternoon from hell began.  About a three mile backup.  Hotter than the blazes of hell.  Fortunately, much of the backup was downhill so we could shut off the engines.  Left the dam and found a beer in Boulder City.  Then off to Las Vegas and a one hour search for a motel.  Ended up on the strip.  Rod, Larry and Bill went downtown.  I wasn’t about to move having had all the fun I could stand for one day.  Add two more locations to my list – Hoover Dam and Las Vegas.

Day 13

No rain – plenty of heat.  Left Las Vegas (gladly) and headed north and then west across Death Valley – 117 degrees in the shade.  Our asses were kicked when we found a bar in Lone Pine, California and it took less than two beers to figure out we were home.  Gramps said it cost him more for water than gas to cross Death Valley.  Add Death Valley to my list.

Day 14

Beautiful morning at the base of Mount Whitney.  Warm until we started to climb to 8,000 feet.  Gased up in Lee Vining - $4.49 per gallon – and headed for Tioga Pass (entrance to Yosemite) at 9,945 feet elevation.  Rode through the park for several hours.  Disappointing that the falls were dried up, but some fantastic scenery.  Left the park and headed for Modesto, California.  Located the Harley dealer.  Plan to change oil in the morning.

Day 15

Start of week three.  Dealer don’t open til 10 AM so Bill and I decide to finally clean our bikes.  Larry and Rod had theirs cleaned in Kingman with the tire installation.  After breakfast we hit the dealer and changed oil.  On the road to San Francisco just after 11:30 AM.  Crossed the Oakland Bay Bridge after a half hour backup at the toll booths.  Had lunch at Fisherman’s Wharf – nothing to write home about.  New high for a beer – five dollars.  Stopped and put on jackets to cross the Golden Gate Bridge.  About 25 miles up the road we stopped to take them off and headed for the Pacific Coast Highway.  Stopped at Bodega Bay to put jackets back on.  Rode along ocean for a while.  Larry said if we stay on this road we will not get to Sturgis until 2008 – really winding.  So we headed to Highway 101 and got a motel in Healdsburg, California.

After two weeks I am definitely noticing some traits:

I am the road rager.  Partly because I am leading, but mostly because I can’t tolerate idiots.

Gramps is the late bloomer in the morning – he also snores in several languages.

Lyin’ Larry, I believe, is of Mexican descent and his real name is Juan More.

Wild Bill will follow you anywhere as long as you lead him to beer.

Bill says the reason they call me Uncle Dave is because I ride them into extreme conditions until they yell uncle.

Day 16

Bill and Larry look like shit.  Slow start today.  After we eat a ham steak breakfast that could have fed a third world country, we head up the Redwood Highway (101).  Started out with jackets, took them off, put them on and ended the day in chaps.  Fantastic ride through the redwoods and along the coast.  Went to a Carl Jr’s for a burger.  Followed the enter sign in – it was the drive through.  Had to wait in line to park.  Ended the day in Brookings, Oregon.  Found the usual amenities – a motel and a bar.  The bar was like a scene from “One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest” – happy hour at the asylum.

Day 17

Larry and Bill haven’t improved, but after breakfast we’re off to ride the Oregon coast.  Some more spectacular scenery, but brutal winds and chilly.  Rode in full leathers all day.  Ended the day in a tavern in Astoria, Oregon on the Columbia River.  Achieved a new group record.  Got overserved and not one of us bought a single beer. 

Day 18

Funny, I feel just as bad even though the beer was free last night.  On the road before 9 AM with breakfast out of the way.  I think we’ve become professionals at nightly self abuse and still being able to function the next day.  Crossed the Columbia River and headed for Bremerton, Washington to catch the ferry across Puget Sound.  After a one hour ferry ride, arrived in Seattle at 4 PM and the nightmare began - negotiating the 5 freeway during commuter time.  Finally reached Burlington, where we will make our turn east, and stopped for the day.  Went for a few beers, then Gramps and I went back to the motel and did laundry.  The two miscreants stayed and showed up about the time our laundry was done.  Probably have to kick their door down in the morning.

Day 19

Amazingly, we are on the road about 9:30 AM after a stop at the Harley dealer.  Crossed the Cascade Mountains – more fantastic scenery.  Extreme heat after descending.  Went to Grand Coulie Dam, then got some dinner and ended the day just west of Spokane, Washington.  Found a local watering hole.  Three of us got our fill of beer and left.  Juan More stayed for just that.  Wild Bill saw a rehab in a small town today – perhaps another omen.

Day 20

Breakfast in downtown Spokane and we’re off to Idaho and Montana.  After riding between two forest fires, we arrive in Kalispell, Montana about 5:30 PM and go to the Harley dealer.  The sky is darkened with smoke.  Leave the dealer and commence a two and one half hour, 50 mile search for a motel.  End up in Whitefish, 15 miles north of Kalispell.  Killed a case of beer and a fifth of Captain Morgan.  There’ll be hell to pay in the morning.  Overnight, little pieces of ash rained down onto our bikes.  Add Kalis”hell” to my list.

Day 21

This is beginning to feel like the movie “Groundhog Day”.  Wake up every day and do the same thing over again.  Because of the time change and last nights activities we are on the road at the crack of noon.  The ride through Glacier National Park is traumatic for me.  Another one of those clinging to the mountainside roads.  Then it was off to the Canadian border so we could get our bikes searched.  During the interrogation I told the truth and they pulled my FBI file and I was once again refused entry.  I told Larry, Rod and Bill to go in for a while cause I figured the U.S. Customs would screw with me too, but they just shrugged it off.  Motels hard to find again due to the fires.  Most of our day was spent in a smoke haze and it had nothing to do with the activities of the previous night.  During our search for a motel we stopped at a gas station in Fairfield, Montana, and this lady drove up and asked if we were looking for a motel.  Here she had two units on the edge of town.  Not the best accommodations, but a place to drop for the night.  First time a motel found us.  Had an entertaining night at a local bar.  Add Glacier Park to my list.

Day 22

Week four.  An uneventful 255 mile ride through open prairie.  Hit light rain for first time since Arizona.  Dropped off road early at Columbus, Montana for lack of motel possibilities down the road.  Have reservations in Cody, Wyoming tomorrow.  After a  few beers at a local saloon,  we got pizza.  Sat on the porch of the motel eating pizza and drinking beer.  Looked like a picnic at the rest home.  Rained over night.

Day 23

Short run today to a scheduled stop in Cody, Wyoming.  Crossed Beartooth Pass (10,900 feet) and the Chief Joseph Highway.  Spent some time in downtown Cody, had a real meal.  I left the switch on on the bike and had a dead battery, but we got it going with the help of some other bikers with jumper cables.  Must have been a thousand or more bikes in town overnight.  Everywhere now, we are encountering a constant flow of motorcycles in both directions.  Add Beartooth Pass to my list.

Day 24

Inevitably, each morning as we were saddling up, Gramps would sing “On the Road Again”.  This morning he encouraged us to sing along.  My response was “Get your ass on the bike and shut up”.  Larrys’ response was “Oh hell!  Are we doing this again”.  New record today – rode over 50 miles before 9 AM.  Rode over the Bighorn Mountains – 9,666 feet – and through some of the most barren land in the country on I90.  350 miles later on Tuesday afternoon, we end our journey in Deadwood, South Dakota.  On Thursday I will be off to Canada, Gramps will be off to Colorado, Larry and Bill will leave together and then split, as Larry goes to Myrtle Beach and Bill heads for York.

From York to Deadwood we rode a total of 7,580 miles.  We spent approximately $3,600 dollars on lodging, $2,400 dollars on food, $2,125 dollars on gas, and $8,125 dollars on beer.  We traveled in 19 states, Mexico, and Canada.  Before any of us got home we had traveled between nine and ten thousand miles and been in at least 24 states.  (I personally did 9,988 miles and 25 states).

While riding, I have encountered some signs I do not completely understand.

Watch Children – Do watch children guard your house by throwing a tantrum and biting people on the leg if they intrude?

Slow Children at Play – How would you like to have it advertised that your children are slow?

If there is a sign that shows a deer crossing for the next three miles and the deer cross at three and one half miles, do they get a ticket?

In Oregon there are signs showing elk crossings.  The Pacific Ocean is on your immediate left.  What do the elk do – go to the beach for the day?

When you see a sign designating a tsunami area, is this supposed to make you feel safer knowing you could get washed away at any time?

Things I have learned on my travels, continued from 2006.

There are morons everywhere and all of them have somehow gotten a drivers license.

Mountains are meant to be viewed from the bottom, not the top.

Traffic engineers that place and set the timing on traffic lights have never driven a vehicle.

My idea of a morning ride is putting it in cruise control and taking a nap, not climbing to over 10,000 feet and scaring the hell out of myself.

Houston, Texas gets the award for the most ridiculously long red lights.  We missed lunch and dinner at one.

Riding from South Dakota to Saskatchewan is like riding through Lock Haven, Pennsylvania – you must go all four directions to get where you are going.

People who drive without headlights when it is raining should be severely beaten.

When a freeway goes into or around a city, the moron factor is multiplied by ten.

The United States is one beautiful country – too bad it has cities.

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