Writings from Riders

Trapper's Intro:
Uncle Dave is the Road Captain of the York County Harley-Davidson Owners Association.  He sent me this review of his past summer, and I just loved it, so I asked if I could share it with everyone.  I think if you've ever done a cross-country trip on a bike, you'll relate to nearly every item here!  Enjoy.

NOTES FROM MY TRAVELS
by
UNCLE DAVE

I HAVE RIDDEN IN 48 STATES AND SEVEN CANADIAN PROVINCES. THIS YEAR WAS MY EIGHTH RIDE TO STURGIS (ONCE FROM CALIFORNIA) AND ALWAYS ON A DIFFERENT ROUTE.

I RODE 7,447 MILES, THROUGH 22 STATES, AND WAS GONE 25 DAYS. I SAW THE CARLSBAD CAVARANS IN NEW MEXICO, THE GUN FIGHT AT THE OK CORRAL IN TOMBSTONE, ARIZONA, CROSSED THE HOOVER DAM, CROSSED DEATH VALLEY ON THE AFTERNOON OF 31 JULY - 105 DEGREES IN THE SHADE (UNFORTUNATELY, THERE WASN'T ANY SHADE). THE NEXT MORNING IN BRIDGEPORT, CALIFORNIA, IT WAS IN THE FORTIES. I DEPOSITED MY TENT ON A HIGHWAY SOMEWHERE IN ARIZONA. GOT AS HIGH AS I EVER WANT TO BE WITHOUT DRUGS OR AN AIRPLANE WHEN I CROSSED ROCKY MOUNTAIN NATIONAL PARK AT OVER 12,OOO FEET. STAYED AT STURGIS FOUR AND A HALF DAYS.

THINGS I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY MOTORCYCLE TRAVELS:

1. EVERY TIME I RIDE MY MOTORCYCLE, I AM FORCED TO ADD TO MY LIST THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE WHO NEED TO BE DRAGGED FROM THEIR VEHICLE AND SEVERLY BEATEN.

2. ALL TRAFFIC LIGHTS ARE RED, NO MATTER WHAT COLOR THEY ARE.

3. 75% OF THOSE LIGHTS WILL TURN RED AT THE EXACT MOMENT WHEN, IF YOU KEEP GOING, THE LIGHT WILL TURN RED JUST BEFORE YOU HIT THE INTERSECTION, AND IF YOU STOP, YOU WILL LOOK LIKE A KAWASAKI RIDER STANDING ON YOUR FRONT WHEEL. THE OTHER 25% ARE ALWAYS RED.

4. THE DURATION OF A RED LIGHT IS DIRECTLY PROPORTIONAL TO HOW HOT IT IS.

5. OPPOSING TRAFFIC IS NOT THE TRAFFIC COMING TOWARDS YOU -IT IS THE TRAFFIC IN FRONT OF YOU.

6. THE ONLY LEGITIMATE REASON FOR GOING 25 MILES PER HOUR IS A SCHOOL ZONE. OTHER THAN THAT, IF YOU WANT TO GO 25 MILES PER HOUR - WALK! I CAN CHANGE MY OIL AT 25 MILES PER HOUR.

7. THE BEST WAY TO SEE A BIG CITY IS IN YOUR REARVIEW MIRROW.

8. WHEN YOU RIDE SECONDARY ROADS, PEOPLE WAVE AT YOU AND TALK TO YOU WITHOUT EXTENDING THEIR MIDDLE FINGER.

9. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS ROAD RAGE. IT IS A METHOD OF COMMUNICATING WITH ASSHOLES THAT SHOULD NOT BE ON THE ROAD.

10. WHEN YOU PUT ON AND TAKE OFF YOUR RAIN SUIT TWICE EARLY IN THE DAY, AND YOU ARRIVE IN WITCHITA FALLS, TEXAS, AFTER 11 HOURS ON THE ROAD AND IT IS 100 DEGREES, IT TAKES EXACTLY THREE SECONDS TO DRINK THE FIRST CAN OF MILLER LITE.

11. WHEN YOU ARE IN DEATH VALLEY AND YOUR PRIMARY STARTS TO MAKE NOISE, IT DOESN'T HURT TO PRAY.

12. WHEN YOU ARE OVER 12,000 FEET UP IN THE ROCKIES AND AFRAID OF HEIGHTS, YOU DON'T NEED TO PRAY - YOU CAN TALK FACE TO FACE.

13. AFTER A LONG DAY ON THE ROAD, IT IS GOOD TO TREAT YOURSELF TO A SEVEN COURSE DINNER - A SIX PACK AND SOME PEANUTS.

14. IF YOU ARE AT A NATIONAL FOREST VISITOR CENTER SOMEWHERE OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE, NEW MEXICO, AND YOUR GAS LIGHT CAME ON 5 MILES BACK, AND THE NEAREST GAS STATION IS 35 MILES IN EITHER DIRECTION, IT IS NOT UNREASONABLE TO PAY 10 DOLLARS FOR TWO GALLONS OF THEIR EMERGENCY GAS.

15. IF YOU CANNOT GENERATE SOME DEGREE OF ENTHUSIASM FOR THE DAY AHEAD, IT IS TIME TO HEAD HOME.

16. I HAVE BEEN TOLD THAT AFTER A PERIOD OF TIME A NEW SEAT WILL BREAK IN. THIS IS AT LEAST PARTIALLY TRUE - MY ASS IS SHAPED LIKE MY SEAT.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE IN PENNSYLVANIA ANYMORE TOTO.

THINGS THAT TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE NOT IN PENNSYLVANIA.

1. WHEN YOU CAN SEE FURTHER THAN YOU CAN RIDE IN ONE DAY. OR, AS THEY SAY IN SASKATCHEWAN - YOU CAN SIT ON YOUR PORCH AND WATCH YOUR DOG RUN AWAY FOR THREE DAYS.

2. WHEN YOU CAN TELL YOU ARE COMING TO A TOWN BECAUSE YOU SEE A WATER TOWER OR GRAIN ELEVATOR AHEAD.

3. WHEN YOU ARE ON A TWO LANE ROAD AND THE SPEED LIMIT IS 75.

4. WHEN YOU RIDE 70 MILES AND DO NOT ENCOUNTER ONE SINGLE VEHICLE GOING IN YOUR DIRECTION.

5. WHEN YOU SEE A ROADRUNNER, AND YOU ARE NOT WATCHING A CARTOON.

6. WHEN THE ROAD KILL OF THE DAY IS ARMADILLA AND ANTELOPE, INSTEAD OF GROUNDHOG AND DEER - SKUNKS ARE EVERYWHERE.

7. WHEN YOU SEE A SIGN THAT SAYS REST AREA ONE MILE AHEAD, AND UNDERNEATH IT SAYS - TORNADO SHELTER.

8. WHEN YOU SEE THREE VEHICLES IN 20 MILES AND THEY ARE ALL BORDER PATROL.

9. WHEN YOU SEE A SIGN THAT DEPICTS THREE PEOPLE RUNNING ACROSS THE ROAD CARRYING A SUITCASE TO INDICATE AN ILLEGAL ALIEN CROSSING.

10. WHEN YOU GO FROM 200 FEET BELOW SEA LEVEL TO 8,200 FEET ABOVE IN ONE AFTERNOON.

11. WHEN A VEHICLE STOPS AT A CROSS ROAD, AND THE DRIVER ACTUALLY WAITS UNTIL YOU PASS BEFORE PULLING OUT - THEN YOU ARE FOR DAMN SURE NOT IN PENNSYLVANIA.

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